posted by Caroline Picard

Last Night At Dinner:

At the table next to ours a man and woman had just discovered that they had ordered a pizza with an egg, over easy, in the middle. Prior to this they had been discussing God The Watchmaker. She mentioned Sally’s impossible dissatisfaction with such a description of God, in so far as it meant that, having finished, He must have gone elsewhere to do other things. It was the notion of “elsewhere” that seemed especially bothersome to Sally and exacerbating to our neighbors. And then the waiter presented them with this curious pizza. The waiter said to “spread the yolk around,” before disappearing in the back. After spreading it around, the couple settled out of their confusion and began talking again.

She: “Well, you know Jehovah was a terrible watchmaker.”

He: “I’ve always said that.”

 

  • On 6th Street and Market, the google sedan with the mounted camera passed by. A shirtless man—probably homeless—gave the car the finger and yelled “fuck you car!” Another homeless man down the street heard the commotion and joined in yelling at the car “Fuck you CIA.”
  • At the coffee stall two guys stood around when one announced his theory: “So you know why there are so many libertines in San Francisco…” The other, mockingly responded, “libertines?” “Yeah, it’s what we’re famous for. It’s why conservatives hate us.” “I think you’re using the wrong word, man.”
  • The first man corrected himself, perhaps unecessarilly. “Okay, liberals. I think we have so many because of the earthquakes. It’s hard to be only for yourself when all the houses are connected and the hills are there and the ground may shake at any moment. I care what you do because it affects me.” The listener responded, “What about Florida? They have hurricanes and they’re not liberal.” “No, it has to be from the ground. Not from the sky. It’s hard to get worked up about they sky. The ground is terrifying.”

 

  • At the bus stop two kids—probably brothers—wait on their way to summercamp. One is pointing out all the buildings within sight that have turrets or are otherwise over 2 stories with odd protrusions, saying, “that one too; and that one; and this one over here; and yeah that one too…” The other kid responds incredulously, “all of those houses are haunted?” “Yes, and we’re very fortunate to live in a neighborhood where we know which houses are haunted. That’s why I think I’m going to stay here when I get married.”
  • At the wrought-iron table of the outdoor seating of a French café two men sit with coffee. One tells the other, exasperated, that he saw in the morning a slight young Asian girl waiting for the bus pull out a Steel Reserve, “big can,” from her coat, take a long drink, and put it back. He then asks, hopefully, “can we blame that on the economy?”