Minutes (Chicago) : A Little Blue

July 28, 2009

posted by Caroline Picard


  • Walking down the street, ambling vaguely toward the Newberry Library, we passed a gentleman of middle age with a baseball hat. He walked with a smile, self-satisfied. He walked with a strut. He walked as one who calls himself Man-Prize. He wore a navy blue How-To t-shirt. The t-shirt said: HOW TO DO A DICK IN THE BOX. There were accompanying diagrams. No. 1) Cut a hole in a box 2) Put your dick in the hole. 3) Make her touch inside the box.
  • On Milwaukee Avenue, at the Milwaukee Avenue Fest, the neighborhood sex shop had a booth. It is important to account for the history of said sex shop, as previous to its current ownership and thematic enterprise (presently a vibrator and bong and lollipop penis and trashy birthday card shop), it was a sex-lingerie shop with dusty drawers laid flat on a dusty office carpet in the window. It was never open but beside the pharmacy panties in the display case there was also a dusty box of chocolates. This new incarnation has more flash and plastic, certainly. At its Milwaukee Fest booth however, it sold only pornography.
  • At the Medieval Times (an expensive theme park in the suburbs where one can go to watch jousting, eat mutton with greasy fingers and order mead from bar wenches) a couple went to get married. She was seven months pregnant. He was more or less attentive, a little chubby and with a kind face. Both he and she had the character of children having been put up to something. Each looked uncomfortable and squirmy. Before the jousting they trotted down into the arena with a few other couples. The announcer made fun of them sort of, “So. You kids decided to get married here? Har har har.” [audience laughs] The would be husband scowled after several more minutes of heckling. He frowned at his fiancé and almost inaudibly says, “Look I aint looking t’be knighted by this guy,” preparing to walk off stage. It is the gentle pressure of her hand which, of course, stops him.

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