Adventures in Auto-erotocism

January 26, 2009

posted by Caroline Picard

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Adventures in Auto-erotocism

by Neal Cassady

I stole my first automobile at 14 in 1940; by ’47 when swearing off such soul-thrilling pleasures to celebrate advent into manhood, I had illegally in my posession about 500 cars–whether just for the moment and to be taken back to its owner before he returned (I.E. on Parking lots) or whether taken for the purpose of so altering its appearance as to keep it for several weeks but mostly only for joyriding.

The virgin emotion one builds when first stealing an auto–especially when one can hardly make it function properly, so takes full minutes to get away–is naturally strenuous on the nervous system, and I found it most exciting. I was initiated into this particularly exhillerating pastime (tho undeniably utterly stupid) by a chance meeting with the local bad-boy, whom I had known at school. We came upon a ’38 Olds sedan which was parked before the well-lit entrance of an apartment house. It so happens this model Olds is a bastardized type–Olds being GM’s “experimental” car — and since the ignition, lights, radio etc., are unconventionally set off the dashboard by bull horn-like dials; and because this unfamilliarity heightened his panicky condition, John’s efforts to start the car seemed really ludicrous from my tree-trunk advantage point. He turned on the radio, the lights, everything but the key I guess, anyhow, when he finally became so flustered as to honk the horn, he bolted away, failing to even close the door. So it was genuine fear, so well-based as to make me think I was pretty brave indeed, that we sneaked back for another try. John, altho belittling his own fright, kept assuring me how easy it was, and this (besides the many minutes of quietude that passed after we had resumed our observation point behind a big tree) finally bolstered my courage enough to run over and drive away in the car.

We left it on the premises of an army post south of town, after stalling the motor on a U turn and even though two soldiers helped hand push us and the engine did sputter a bit we finally had exhausted the battery and had to hitch hike home, arriving so near dawn as to create complications there which, emotional tho they had been, now proved nothing beside my night-long thrill–from which I literally tingled for days until, in fact after serving mass as usual one morning, I left the rectory to find before it a current model Mercury with keys dangling! Naturally, having never driven so powerful an automobile, I burned rubber most of the block, before even realizing how to overcome it. And tho still quite inexperienced a driver I know it took so long to halt the tires’ squeel only because each additional release of the accelerator, whether fractional or full-inch, was still not enough to ease the power–hell, come to think of it, I might have even been in high gear!

Anyhow, the erotic nature of the Mercury experience happily included exploring the anatomy of the school girl picked up in it, and therefore has no further, sharper, stronger, more meaningful remembrance than the one of its get-away moments, which included wading thru a three-phase traffic signal in the first block….

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One Response to “Adventures in Auto-erotocism”

  1. icolatilk Says:

    Maaaan, you know there is such thing in the web like search engine, http://google.com if you don’t, go there to understand why this post is bullshit


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