September 30, 2008
by Cathy Borders
As they did the night before, as they do every night, the ants have returned. I have sat near the hole which they march out of, and one by one squished their conga line with the pad of my finger. I have sucked up whole families with the vacuum cleaner and taped the hungry mouth of the hose shut. Doing a lezginka, I have slaughtered thousands with the soles of my boots. And still, they return.
These idiotic ants, possibly particular only to Australia, move in single-file curved lines towards the fuse box, where they suck at the wires, getting high on electricity. I have to remove the carcasses with a wooden stick from the electrical box every morning. I would leave them there, as a warning (like a head on a pike), or to help aide them in their malfunctioning common sensibilities, but I’m afraid they’ll catch fire. At least it’s gratifying to disembowel the leviathan, to suck out the shiny black bodies from the colorful wires.
Last night I captured one and placed him inside my ashtray where he desperately, and with futility, tried scaling the convex glass walls. I could not decide whether it would be more merciful to kill this one ant, my prisoner, or let him return to his pack, where I would, almost undoubtedly, kill him later.
But I’m in no mood for boots tonight. I’m in no mood for anything. How like that tortured ant I am, here, suspended in the desert, except my walls are vast, vast horizontal expansions of red sand, with the occasional hopping marsupials as my chimerical jailers.
“All right spiders…I need you…” I say aloud. I do need them. Without them my cottage would be overrun by clouds of flying insects, the useless, irritating kind, the kinds that fly into your mouth, nose and ears, the nipping kind. I hate them all, especially the flies, and especially the ants. I walk over to the left corner, near the standing lamp. Four spiders have spun an expansive web together. There is only one ant in their web. “This is unacceptable!” I threaten to vacuum them as well if they don’t get to work. This one-sided conversation is tedious, usual. It’s the same with all the spiders; the Huntsman, the Wolf, the ones with the domino bodies and bright orange legs. “Please…I implore you…”
I go to the bathroom. There’s a new spider in the corner, its pathetic silk web is made entirely out of ants, meaning it had no reason for a web, meaning its web is a pile. I like the red diamond stripe across her bulbous black body, which looks as if it would secrete green goo when squeezed. Its vinyl legs are perched atop at least 44 ants. I could kiss it. “Where and how can I obtain more of you?” At this I raise my voice for all to hear, “Why can’t the rest of you be more like…Charlotte?”
I’m telling this story to Carey over Scrabble. I’m speaking slowly. We have a thick translation curtain between us. I can’t understand half of what he says. His signs are different from mine. His brain is puffy from years of copious alcohol consumption, and he eats very little, picking at kumquats and sucking on the salt water Pigface leaves. His leathery face and bloated stories remind me of salt. I am methodically picking at a kumquat, more interested in the wooden brain in the middle, then the small nuggets of savory fruit.
He stops listening to me and walks into the dunny. “You beauty! Get this fucker out of here!…one ripe bloody way to the hospital she is.”
September 30, 2008
posted by Caroline Picard
These notions were first published in last year’s phonebook…
1. (2006) I wish you were lesbians (this works particularly well for women) dress up as a waify hipster boy, for instance New Order starting with Kereoke bars and move up to the opening act for the Empty Bottle or Gallagher. Always sing aforementioned single (even over Journey or Olivia Newton John). When you get to the big time just play electronic variations through a vocoder.
2. (2005) The Fashion Czar: Think Drug Czar. Or The Fashion Czar could be like the Food Czar, but if we’re going to be serious about it, then why not make it a Green Fashion Czar and try to encourage hip new wave Green fashion in Chicago. We could be the champions of a while new kind of fashionista.
3. (2000) GPS Systems in cars to afford a whole host of variant accents and temperaments, so that when you purchase your fancy pants automobile you could choose the voice to go with your car. For instance the same black sedan could come with either a soft-spoken Japanese lady-voice director, or an angry Russian old man who yells but might be difficult to understand.
4. (2002) Putting a knife on the end of anything makes it better. i.e. the bayonet. (this notion expired in 2005)
5. (1964) “I see by Walter Winchell that J.S. Back put on black gloves to compose the requiem mass”
6. (2000) The Ultimate: a morning cocktail. Includes Kentucky Bourbon and one cooked sausage for garnish. A gentleman’s drink. Variations include: The Baretta (2000): same as before except with small link sausage (possibly maple), The Politician’s Wife (2002): only relevant in times of drought, also a breakfast beverage. Includes white wine, one ice cube and the egg juice left over from scrambling eggs. This is added to the wine as a symbol of conservation. The Upper East Side (2004): gin martini and lamb garnish.
7. Pigeons (on-going)
8. Move to Canada for grants (on-going)
9. Plug earrings as Speakers (2004): Turn the thick round lobe-stretchers into your own personal boom box.
10. Giant Killer Car (2006):(overheard at a sushi bar during happy hour in the basement of Macy’s in Union Square) “They should take a little race car with a big razor blade jutting out from the roof so that you could cut down giants if you ran into them.” // “That’d be good. Yeah. They should make it sharp on both sides so you could back up and go forward and cut him down in pieces. To dice the giant in little strips.”
11. E-Bay Auction for fake persona(2006): To create an inventory of celebrity (made up) celebrity possessions. Like saint artifacts.
12. (c. 1920) Purchase a handful of non-indigenous white deer from the San Francisco zoo and release them in West Marin. Follow up: (2007) Flocks of non-indigenous, wild, (white) deer in West Marin have become the dominant species, bully and abuse local indigenous deer. In order to re-balance the eco-system, naturalists have suggested hunting the white deer to extinction. The outcry of cruelty was, however, so vehement that the two sides (hippies vs. historic environmentalists) have agreed instead to capture them (one by one), sterilze them and re-release them.
13. (2006) For President Bush to wow the people, instating a law that all non-commercial vehicles should be banned in response to Global Warming.
14. Cell Phone Gambling (2007): go on-line to purchase a certain number of minutes that one could then bet with hwile playing cell phone video games. If you win billiard, you get free minutes. If you lose, you lose.
15. The Ironies (2005): The Ironies are a group of three women, contemporary equivalents to the Greek Harpies.
16. Q.E.D. as a tombstone (2003): Q.E.D. used is at the end of Euclidean proofs, meaning “quod erat demonstrandum” literally, “which was to be demonstrated.”
17. (2006) War on Words, wheat paste neighborhoods across America with Luther-like treatises declaring war on particular words and announcing that the usage of said words (i.e. ‘like,’) will be seen as an act of hostility. Derivations: (2006), Guerilla Strategies within the already waging War on Words: re-appropriate particular words in such a way as to make them mean something different from original intent. With enough consistant and alterior usage, certain pressure is applied to old-hat institutions (i.e. Webster’s, O.E.D) to revise their dictionaries accordingly.
18. (c. 1973) Trust Falls, Y. Paraskovopolis.
19. (2007) Biological Taxonomy, everything below the neck is pubes.
20. (2007) Accapella, about to re-manifest in indie music.
21. (c. 1812) Sleeve buttons on man-shirts, Invented to naturally impede soldiers from wiping their nose on their uniforms. Napolean.
22. (c. 1950) Broccoli, cross a pea plant with a cauliflower, vegetable packer, coffin polisher and James Bond movie producer Abert “Cubby” Broccoli.
23. (future) Flying Cars
24. (2007) Air Shoes, Shoes with weak negative magnetic charges in soles that are naturally repulsed to the earth’s negatively charged magnetic field.
25. (c. 1890) Electric Chair, aka Sizzlin’ Sally, Old Smokey, Sparky and Yellow Mama. Thomas Edison (DC current) hired Brown to invent a chair using his rival George Westinghouse’s current (AC) to make the electric chair when they were fierce competitors. Edison thought that if the American people associated AC with the execution of prisoners they would likely choose his current, DC, for the power in their homes, Harold P. Brown.
26. (on-going) Future-Club, for 23 year olds in the midst of post-college freak out: meet once a week at a diner dive and discuss strategies for respective futures.
27. (c. 1943) Trundel Bed, a bed that fits underneath one’s usual bed, popping up via certain spring mechanism for the unexpected guest.
DONATE YOUR IDEA TO THE COMMUNITY! Send all charming concepts that have you smitten: Ideas to which you’d never dedicate yourself, despite the possibility of their existence making you as bushy-tailed as coffee in the morning: Marginal Notions/The Green Lantern Gallery and Press/ 1511 N Milwaukee ave., Second Floor, Chicago IL 60622
GET THRIFTY! DON’T LET OLD IDEAS GO TO WASTE!
NEED AN IDEA? YEAH YOU DO.
Send your loved one the gift of the year! Subscribe to: MARGINAL NOTIONS! Annual service and get one second-hand idea every month! (costs $11.99; shipping and handling included)
September 30, 2008
threewalls & Green Lantern Press announce:
PHONEBOOK 2008/09: Compadres Amores
Release Date and Party: October 23rd, 2008, 6-9 pm @ threewalls, 119 N Peoria, #2D, Chicago, IL 60607
Held in conjunction with threewallsSALON, Enablers and Platformists: turning the content over to
CHICAGO: Back by popular demand, PHONEBOOK, the essential travel guide to artist-run centers, small
not-for-profit, fringe galleries and other exhibition and presentation projects, will be released October 23rd
This new edition adds over 50 news spaces in the United States and over 40 Canadian centers alongside
updated entries, periodical listings, a series of essays from across the country and some road-trip tips from
the editors. PHONEBOOK is a valuable resource for artist and audience alike, connecting a web of makers
and projects while acting as an archive of work by smaller organizations and groups throughout the visual
arts community. Use PhoneBook as a research tool, as a travel guide to the visual arts, for networking, for
exhibition proposals or to facilitate artistic exchanges.
Please join us for PHONEBOOK’s release party, held in conjunction with a special threewallsSALON, “Enablers
and Platformists: turning the content over to participation,”an open discussion about artists working as
presenters and enablers of other creative and intellectual projects.
PHONEBOOK is published by threewalls and Green Lantern Press. PHONEBOOK will be available at your local
artist-run and NFP art spaces, on the threewalls website and on Amazon.com for $15.00. For review copies
and pre-orders please contact Nick Sarno, Editor of The Green Lantern Press at firstname.lastname@example.org.
The Green Lantern is a 501(c)3 gallery and paperback press dedicated to the study, presentation and archive
of contemporary art practice. As such, The Green Lantern hosts monthly exhibitions, a literary podcast/
reading series called “The Parlor,” and publishes limited edition books by new or forgotten writers. With a
focus on the visual arts, The Green Lantern establishes paths of accessibility between the work and its
audience by contextualizing its events through writing, video and performance.
threewalls is a nonprofit 501(c)3 organization dedicated to contemporary art practice and discourse.
Through the residency program(s), SOLO project and quarterly publication Paper and Carriage, threewalls
aims to provide opportunities for experimentation, chance, critical dialogue and context for artists, curators
and writers who are at pivotal points in their careers.
September 30, 2008
posted by Caroline Picard and written by Nell Taylor.
This article was originally published in the first Phonebook, (2007-2008)
check out their website! http://www.underground-library.org/
Collecting ephemera is an act of city beautification. Cities look their best in detail. I could describe Chicago as a large Midwestern area on Lake Michigan populated by sports fans and colorful politicians and composed of a series of communities linked together by common streets and not much else. There are some tall buildings that have become relatively less tall in the last couple of years. You would know this is Chicago.
Creative people seem obsessed with the lack of attention their work receives in this overcrowded stadium-in-a-cornfield; having bought into the myths promulgated by this “big picture” vision of the city, they despair at their own artistic marginalization. They look out over the horizon (–is that Naperville, getting even bigger? And is it coming this way?) for an audience or even just a sounding board, another artist with whom to compare notes and ideas. On the off-chance that they find one another, they immediately set about building a bunker, stocking it full of their pooled resources, and disseminating exhibitions and publications of each other’s work to the outside world. They defend their fort, tooth and nail, from interlopers. They spread out. They divide and conquer. They hide themselves so well in these small spaces that the new arrivals seeking out community can’t see the bunkers for the shiny new residential developments and overstuffed shopping carts rising higher and higher into the air.
The new crop finds the old myths justified and begin the cycle again.
Now say you took the output from all of these art-shelters and lined them up on a shelf; the project documentation, the journals, the handmade books, the zines, catalogs, manifestos, newsletters, magazines, chapbooks, programs. For the sake of argument, include works by those sports fans and news on those colorful politicians, particularly if it was written anonymously in all block-caps and shoved into your hand by a guy with a bullhorn as you walked to work. And force yourself to look at them as if it was your first moment to discover each object; it might not be to your taste, it might seem shoddily assembled; you find it pretentious or simplistic, you don’t agree with the point of view, it’s covered in mold from someone’s basement, the author declares that their dog peed on the very object you hold in your hand (edition 3/50). But there are individuals behind each one and at some point, they have witnessed things you haven’t. And you’ve never lived in their heads (of course not, you’ve been holed up in your bunker). Despite your initial (and often better) judgment, you learn something. And another city starts to emerge.
In the course of running the CUL, I have found myself fascinated by the passions ignited in a ten-year old Museum of Science and Industry controversy; moved by a 16 year old stoner’s alternate party documentation and musings on 9/11; reading an entire zine on home-schooling cover to cover that doubles as a critique of the CPS; lost in a series of 25 year old newspapers that are nothing but gorgeous advertisements; and discovering political actions that literally took place outside my door. These ephemeral objects cause me to reconsider my own ideas of the city’s history as all of these details begin to fill in the rich tapestry subsumed by the “Hog Butcher for the World” view of Chicago.
Beyond that impersonal historicism, though, I appreciate that these works make me question where I was at that particular time. What I was doing and what I was contributing to that tapestry at that moment.
Documenting the creativity of the city is an excellent weapon to use against apathy. To those who complain that the city isn’t what it used to be and that there is nothing to do here anymore, I like the idea of sitting them down in front of a pile of works from our collection and saying: Here are your tools, figure out what you’re going to do about it. It’s not only about documenting the past; it is meant to inspire and to incite people to create new work and to be more active– in the present and for the future.
Ephemera presents a holistic view of Chicago’s creative communities by using tiny little details found in the cracks and crevices of our bunkers to help break them down and encourage the kind of collaboration necessary to, as your local street corner waste basket would say, keep Chicago beautiful.
September 30, 2008
– Lily Robert-Foley
September 19, 1819.
According to reports, two ships, the H.M.S. Hecla and H.M.S. Griper became locked in ice inside the Arctic circle this Tuesday. They were forced to cut a channel through the ice and dock their ships on a previously unexplored region of the Arctic Circle now known as Melville Island in the heart of North Georgia.
“It is extremely cold” said Mr. Peeping Tom Scriber. Peeping Tom Scriber is an anonymous member of the ship’s commanding crew who writes for The North Georgia Gazette—a newspaper Sir William Edward Parry, Captain of the expedition initiated in order to keep the men occupied during the long winter months in Winter Harbor.
“There are long months of darkness, isolation and possible insanity ahead of us,” Captain Parry said. “I started the newspaper as a way to keep spirits up.” Captain Parry also admits to having identified indolence as a cause of scurvy. Captain Parry has devised several other methods in addition for keeping the men occupied during their stay in Winter Harbor, including: bi-weekly theatrical entertainments, obligatory dancing, cricket games on ice, and two hours of deck scrubbing with stones every morning between six and eight.
“Sometimes it gets so cold that the men’s noses will stick to the telescopes in the Observatory shack and their skin will be pulled off,” said the ship’s surgeon. It is said that the lowest temperature this coming winter was -55° Fahrenheit. One man contracted scurvy because he had been sleeping in a moist bed next to the ship’s rim. “It is uncomfortable if not painful,” he told us “to sleep in a bed that is mostly ice.”
“It is bizarre to live in a world that is covered in white. There is no contrast, no differentiation. We go for walks sometimes in the snow. We might see a large boulder up ahead and become very excited because it would be the most defining feature of the landscape seen in months. But then as we approach the boulder we realize that it was only a pebble and looked like a boulder because everything exists in a uniform field of white,” the ship’s resident poet told us.
The two ships left London Harbor in September of 1819 in search of the Northwest passage. The search for the Northwest passage will turn out to be a nearly futile one, riddled with dead bodies. It can be likened to a search for truth, transcendence or pure light.
A republication of The North Georgia Gazette is due out from Green Lantern Press in February 2009.